Do you have a choice to make and you’re just stumped and still don’t know which one to make? Do you feel stuck because you don’t see a solution: the way things are happening now isn’t good either, but the options you have aren’t right either. And you are spinning in your mind: what to do, how to do it? And the feeling of restlessness and indecision only grows exponentially?
I am writing this article inspired by a discussion I had with a client who is trying to decide on a career path that involves a very big change in their current lifestyle. And I understand these feelings very well because I have faced indecision many times. Indecision causes anxiety, frustration, restlessness, and fear. And when the change is big, everything is amplified.
What has always helped me is to go back to my plans or create new plans that are current with the stage of life I am at. They give me that emotional balance and focus because they are aligned with my values, my vision of life and work, and my priorities.
In short, the plans, which I talked about here before, are:
- Plan 1 – the story you are telling yourself now
- Plan 2 – what do you do if Plan 1 is not an option
- Plan 3 – a plan that does not take into account current constraints
Not everything in the 3 plans is achievable, but when you build them you will see that certain directions and actions are non-negotiable. They will guide you when you have to make a difficult choice. For me, health and education are non-negotiable and take precedence over other desires and actions. I know for sure that if I have to choose, for various reasons, between health and education vs hobby, travel, I will choose the first two. Inevitably, there is a sense of loss initially, because I want to travel and I want to enjoy my hobbies too. But if I shift the focus to my priorities, I get to calm down and make peace with myself.
2 powerful questions to accompany you when you have to make difficult decisions:
- What is true right now about you and your life?
honestly answering this question will tell you where you are right now. Be careful when you answer, because it is very possible to say what you wish or what was real in the past, not what is real today. It’s like the skier who had a skiing accident and needs 6-8 months to recover. And instead of focusing on recovery and the necessary actions to recover as quickly as possible, he suffered that he had to put skiing on hiatus. I took the example of skiing because it is one of my hobbies. The fact that he puts skiing on hiatus does not mean that he will never ski again, but that now the reality is different.
- What are your priorities?
Regardless of the decision, establish what is non-negotiable. What are those things that are very important to you? Maybe it’s about the time you spend with your family, maybe it’s about investing in your and your children’s education, or maybe it’s about the amount of money you want to save annually. It can be anything, but this anything is non-negotiable. That way, when you need to make a choice, you’ll have the peace of mind that your values are respected.
After answering the two questions, make peace with yourself. Not all the things you want are possible right now. But that doesn’t mean they will never be possible. It’s just a stage.
