Why do we talk about life design? Designing, in general, is about arriving at better solutions according to the context and existing constraints. Life, like any design problem, is full of constraints: time, money, age, where we live, social context, etc. We live in times where change is perhaps the only constant. As we humans are most often resistant to change, it brings with it frustrations, dissatisfactions, and disappointments. You can’t have everything. If you want more, you need to be creative and make your needs and wants to coexist. And this means having a designer’s mindset.
Our life is our biggest project. Create a life to love.
Here are 5 secrets that can help you design a life that is consistent with who you are – a life that feels like you, looks like you, a life that is you.
1. Small doses of life design
What are the main ingredients of your life? Those basic elements that make it up? Maybe it’s about family, health, work, friends, hobbies, love, free time. It’s like breaking your life down into those main parts that make it up.
I suggest you write these parts. That way, you’ll have a visual representation of every element that makes up your life right now. The next step is to choose what you want to do with each part – what do you want to keep? what do you want to leave out and what do you want to change? Your new choices will determine how your life will change.
Decomposition helps you shift your perspective to rebuild a new reality that is more than the sum of its parts. This way you focus your attention on what matters.
Do you want to move from Bucharest to Cluj? But how would it be, for example, to stay for a few weeks in Cluj before moving altogether so that you can feel the energy of the city and the people? How about taking some night classes to see what it would be like to be a student again before you go back to college and quit your job?
Testing doesn’t mean jumping in headfirst. But to permit yourself to try, to be able to integrate the new in your life, and make the right changes.
2. Get inspired by people you admire
Identify qualities in people you admire. The qualities that you recognize in other people and that inspire you are those things that you already have and that you can develop in yourself.
Write down the people and the qualities you admire in them. Replace their name with your name to see that those qualities of theirs are yours too, that the values you admire in them are your values too.
These are the values to inspire you as you design and build your life. You may admire a top athlete, and the qualities you identify with him are discipline and consistency. Introduce discipline and consistency into your daily activities.
3. Rewrite the beliefs that limit you
Sometimes we are tempted to blame something or someone else for the way our lives are going. It’s easier that way, instead of admitting that we’re hindering ourselves. By changing perspective, we can learn to see the same things differently and turn constraints into opportunities. We all have weaknesses and aspects that we consider negative about ourselves, but instead of seeing them as obstacles, we can turn what we can’t change into something we can use to create a positive outcome. Instead of saying “To feel fulfilled I must be successful on all levels – career, family, health, relationships.” I say “I have the opportunity to define what success means to me”. This way, you take the pressure off your shoulders.
4. Rewrite the beliefs that limit you
Sometimes wants and needs conflict. Maybe you’re thinking, “I should be working because I have to deliver something by the end of the week, but I promised my family that we’re going on vacation.” However, our needs and desires can live in the same space. What if you worked a little while on vacation? Conversely, when you’re at work, how can you briefly feel like you’re on vacation? Resolving the conflict between needs and wants can help you achieve your goals by combining options.
5. Integrate design values into everyday life
Five interrelated values that underlie design principles and can guide you in creating a fulfilling life are optimism, empathy, holistic thinking, openness, and collaboration.
Positive thinking, which I encourage, doesn’t mean ignoring danger or jumping headfirst into anything. It means that no matter if you have failed now, you can surely find a better solution, no matter how hard the problem is. So what you can do is try to focus on solutions and opportunities instead of focusing on problems.
Optimism fuels creativity. Because when you face a problem and have a positive mindset, you will look for other possibilities and solutions to overcome the obstacles you encounter. Or you get inspired by the solutions found to similar problems that you have observed in other contexts. This means being creative.
Having empathy for others and ourselves is often the first step in solving problems. Because when you have empathy, you will step into the other’s shoes and see situations and problems from different perspectives.
When you think about your problems from a different perspective you can find creative solutions. This also applies to holistic thinking. By taking a step back to see the big picture, and the larger context, you will be able to make connections between different aspects of the problems you are facing. You will see new possibilities and make better decisions.
When you are open, you will ask yourself questions: “What if?”, you will not say “no” from the beginning. When you remain open and curious, you will not start from the beginning with assumptions and prejudices, but you will see possibilities like a beginner in life, you will make discoveries that will allow you to take a step further in designing your ideal life.
We live in complex times and today’s problems are too difficult for one person to solve alone. That’s why the collaboration and support of others will help you face even the most difficult challenges.
Life design is about building your perfect life for you, not an ideal life like you see in the movies. Perfect means aligned with your values, interests, and aspirations.
