A recurring theme in discussions with my clients is a lack of action on personal goals. Most know what they want, and they have the plan and the steps to follow, either in their personal life or in their professional life, most know what the benefits are if they act day by day, however, when they get to act on the steps set, they stop. Postpone. This happens every day, causing frustration, and self-doubt. Whether it’s that they want to take the next step in their career, whether it’s to achieve a balance in their personal and professional life, whether it’s to take better care of themselves either through sport by going for a massage, or through a daily grooming ritual, whether it’s wanting to read more or start a journal, they’re simply procrastinating.
Lack of time, lack of energy, and other daily priorities push you to leave the things you want to do only for yourself, after all. You want to make sure that everyone else is happy with what you’ve done and that no promises are left unfulfilled. You end up in last place. At the end of the day, when you need at least 10 minutes for yourself, you are exhausted.
Your energy is at a minimum and the things you want for yourself don’t seem so important anymore. However, nothing would stop you from still finding a lot of energy if the people around you asked for something at that moment. You will find endless energy to help others, but you will end up exhausted when it comes time to deal with those things you had planned for yourself. Sound familiar? Is this a scenario that repeats itself daily for you? At the end of the day, you will say: “From tomorrow”. Or you will tell yourself that you start in September, next year, after the children grow up, after this complicated period at work is over. And you constantly find reasons to procrastinate.
Probably if I were to ask you right now what you want the most, you would say “too much”, besides probably money, freedom and health. And I think a lot of people want those things. The reasons behind it are, however, personal. Maybe you want time and money because you would like to spend more time with the children and be more present in their lives. Maybe you want health, to eat healthy, to exercise, and to be in shape to enjoy your family for many years to come. Maybe you want freedom, not a 9-5 job, because you’d like to travel more.
They are recurring themes in our lives: time, money, freedom, and health because they are talked about a lot everywhere. But what is not said while talking about these recurring themes is that they do not happen overnight. They are the distant reward for your daily effort. And very often this far point overwhelms us, mostly because we want the results immediately. Being patient in these times when everything seems to happen overnight is getting harder and harder.
And if we just want the result, it may not come if we don’t choose to act every day. I was talking to a friend some time ago and I remembered something from what she said: “I have come to consider any longer or shorter period in which I am not playing with cars or cooking as a vacation. “. She dislikes the two activities, but her way of relating to all other moments comes from an inner joy, not frustration. She doesn’t have the opportunity to have many vacations or help with the little one outside of her husband. He could say “It will be better when the boy grows up”, but he doesn’t get lost in this idea, he happily turns even going to ice cream into a mini vacation.
It matters a lot how you relate to time, money, freedom, and health right now. How much money do you need to feel free right now? How much time would you need to feel like you’re spending enough time with the kids right now? What does it mean to take care of your health right now?
That doesn’t mean you stop thinking about the end goal, but if it’s too far away, it will get lost in the day-to-day activities that become much more important. It is much easier to feel that you are doing something today, that you feel useful, and that you are helping than to do something that might have an impact somewhere in the future, for which you do not see an immediate reward.
Success has a few basic ingredients, consistency and perseverance, generating ideas, and taking action day in and day out. We are programmed to call success something grand. But what would it be like to call success the small victories you have every day? It can also be the fact that you manage to include 10 minutes of sport in your daily calendar. This is after you have managed to identify which activities consume your energy and those which give you energy and arrange your calendar so that you feel the joy that you can have those 10 minutes of sports for yourself. And look how many things you will have already achieved. These are those small victories that will reprogram the way you think and make you say “Yes, it’s possible right from today”.
Acting for one’s purpose is difficult when many other emergencies and priorities arise. But I will tell you a sad truth. Whether you act or not, time passes anyway. And the longer time goes by and you don’t act, the more your frustration will increase and your self-confidence will suffer because you’ll feel like you’re not up to it.
So if time is ticking anyway, why not start taking action now? If you have no idea how to start taking action because you are still overwhelmed by daily tasks, lack of energy, or exhaustion, how about a review of your daily activities and the energy level you have when you do each activity? When you organize and clean your daily schedule, you will see how that space emerges for the 10 minutes you dedicate to yourself.
I challenge you with 3 life design questions to help you discover where you are right now:
What are the activities that use up your energy daily?
What are the activities that give you energy daily?
What’s stopping you from asking right now for what you need to have 10 minutes to yourself every day?
From working with my clients so far, I have understood that there are three essential things to create the right context to act:
- Clarify your purpose. What helps me the most is to have a visual plan: a long-term or partial long-term vision board. For me, it works for about a year, but there are people for whom it works for 3 years, especially when the respective plan involves long-term studies. When you draw where you are starting from and where you want to be in a year, including aspects from all areas important to you: career, relationships, health, time, and freedom, you will become more aware of what you want. And not only that. You will become aware of what it takes to get there, you will generate ideas much more often and attach them to your vision board. I told you that an essential ingredient in achieving success is to generate ideas. A visual plan will help you generate ideas often and consistently. And you’ll be able to include vacation days without feeling guilty.
- Starting with the goal, set smaller goals and clear steps that you can take for a week or two. For example: I want to have more energy to enjoy the 10 minutes to myself every day. Then identify daily, for a week or two, what exactly consumes your energy and what activities energize you. Once you identify them, you’ll be able to make conscious decisions about how you can optimize your calendar to include the 10 minutes for yourself every day.
- Build a support group, with the right people who can support you, and encourage you to move forward with your plan. If you want to work on your plan, and those around you are thinking more about vacation and fun, it is very likely that you will be distracted from your path. If those close to you criticize what you want to do instead of supporting you, you will feel less energy and enthusiasm to move forward. That’s why you need the right people around you who can inspire and encourage you. I truly believe that a coach or mentor that is right for you can help, at least in the beginning to clarify your steps. The actual work will still be yours, but a support group, coach, or mentor can help you stay focused on your goal.
So let’s recap, start taking action today. If you feel exhausted at the end of the day, the first step is to organize and clean your calendar. Identify the activities that use up your energy. Identify the activities that give you energy. For two weeks. Then tidy up and clean up. You will see how certain activities will disappear or diminish and how you will create space for the 10 minutes to dedicate to yourself. It’s time to add the 10 minutes to your calendar so you don’t forget them.
Then, after you manage to stick to the new program for at least 20 days, it’s time for the new stage. Create your vision board, where you start from, and where you want to be in 6 months, 1 year, or 3, whichever is easier for you. Then set small goals and clear steps each week. And at the end of each week, don’t forget to celebrate the small victories you’ve achieved by completing your goals.
And just like that, almost unconsciously, you begin to act, and the frustration and self-doubt slowly begin to disappear.
Looking forward to writing me what you discovered.
With love, Raluca ❤️
