I don’t know if you talked to your family as a child, teenager, or young adult about life transitions. Often, most likely, you let things happen, influenced by traditions or society: you went to school, got a job, maybe got married, had one or more children, changed jobs, -bought a house, went from 20 to 30, and then to 40 and so on. These are all transitions, that is, changes in role, responsibilities, or habits, which require or force you to adapt to new contexts in life. You found yourself on the rollercoaster of life, sometimes you may have found it difficult to carry everything, but you got into the game.
Sometimes transitions come with a lot of inner stress and overwhelming feelings, other times they can be overcome more easily. Transitions have both a positive impact, for example, the birth of a child, and a negative impact, for example, the loss of a job. Most of the time, your mental preparation and the external support you create are the two factors that help you cope with these changes more easily.
The types of life transitions are:
- Anticipated. Anticipated changes are those you expect or have planned. It’s those changes that you have some control over and you have time to think about them and decide how to act. For example, when you apply for a job or when you finish high school or college.
- Unanticipated. These changes take you by surprise. You most likely did not prepare for them in advance. For example dismissal or an unexpected pregnancy.
- The changes that don’t happen anymore, even though you thought about them. They are those transitions that you anticipated, and planned, but which do not happen for various reasons. For example, maybe you don’t have children even though you always planned that you would, or you never get married even though you always dreamed of it.
Whether they are produced by anticipated or unanticipated events, internal or external changes, chosen by you or not, transitions have a profound impact on the individual. The most common life transitions include starting school, finishing school or college, getting a job, getting married, becoming a parent, and retiring. In general, we talk about them the most. There are others and I want to name them because when you become aware of them, of the implications they have on you, you take a first step in being easier for yourself.
- An age threshold. The milestones of 18, 30, 40, 50, or 65, the typical retirement age, can mark significant changes in your life, both deeply within and without.
- Moving in with a partner can bring energy and newness to your life, but it also means changes and adjustments you’ll make to your schedule and lifestyle to include your significant other.
- The existential crisis. Fundamental changes in who you are can occur throughout your life. One of the most well-known is the midlife crisis when you can reevaluate your personal beliefs and values and even change direction altogether.
- Becoming a parent brings about changes in your sleep schedule or work schedule, or comes with identity changes as you embark on the role of parent. More responsibility, you doubt if what you are doing is good or enough.
- Promotion at work can have a significant impact on the hours spent at the office or lifestyle. It can come with a lot of excitement, but also with frustration if the working hours get longer.
- Leaving the corporation to enter entrepreneurship can challenge you internally because you need to get used to being disciplined or change your lifestyle.
- Moving to another city or country comes with the challenge of integrating into the community and finding those basic things that didn’t bother you before doctor, school, kindergarten, and other utilities.
- Career change. Depending on the nature of the change, this may mean changes in the work schedule, in the job duties, and in how fulfilled you feel with the new direction.
- Divorce leads to many changes, both internal (stress, anxiety, adapting to living alone) and external, including lifestyle changes, and financial challenges.
- Health challenges can lead to lifestyle changes, financial difficulties, and physical difficulties.
- Job loss. The financial changes generated by job loss produce lifestyle changes to accommodate the new income level. But also, losing a job can make you try something new that you would never have tried if you had stayed at your previous job.
- Retirement changes the schedule from what was probably a 9-5 to the freedom to spend the days however you want.
- The empty nest. When parents wake up with an empty house when the children have grown up and left the parental home they can experience a sense of pain and loss.
Transitions in life are not simple, they can come with a strong emotional charge because you need to face situations that you have never encountered before in your life.
Almost all changes bring with them pain and the feeling of losing something familiar, even if the change is positive. Transitions produce insecurity, and anxiety, and can lead to feelings of isolation.
But why is it so hard to deal with transitions?
- Because of the routine. People like routine and routine. Developing new habits takes time and patience.
- Because of the pain. Any change, even positive, brings pain, the feeling of losing something old and familiar and comfortable. Have you ever landed a long-desired job and still feel pain in the transition from your old job to your new one?
- Requires new roles. Adapting to new roles and responsibilities is difficult. Transitions in life don’t come with an instruction manual. After how long you have fully assumed the role of parent including the internal changes related to accepting that you no longer have the same lifestyle, that your sleeping schedule has changed, that you no longer see as many friends or travel to how much
It involves increased anxiety. It happens especially in new roles when you don’t know if what you are doing is good or enough.
As I said at the beginning, you probably, like me, haven’t talked much about these transitions in life and what emotional implications they produce. You just let life happen, which isn’t a bad thing. You can, however, choose to prepare, at least partially, for these changes. I mean, how many times don’t you say, “Let me see how I’ll manage.” And of course, you will manage. But at what price?
Imagine how you will feel if, following a transition in your life, you are already prepared, you have talked about the changes, you have foreseen some of the implications, and you already have a plan made. You will have more confidence in yourself and a sense of accomplishment that you can more easily overcome the obstacles that come with the major change.
And if you choose to prepare for these moments, Life Design is a good travel companion. What Life Design does very well is exactly this: it prepares you to go through the transitional stages in your life because it helps you develop a solution-oriented mindset and you will be increasingly open to experimentation and adaptation.
If you anticipate a major change in your life and want to learn 10 ways to cope with the transition, ask for my newsletter
